Maybe you don’t need to heal more. Maybe you need new experiences and new people that meet you at your energetically aligned state. Experiences that bring you joy & broaden your horizons. People who lighten your load & elevate your thinking. Maybe you need to walk away with no explanation, removing yourself from people & places that refuse to see you for who you truly are because they can’t even see themselves. Maybe you need to set your sights on things that give you flight and people who illuminate your Light.

*Get in, loser. We’re running away and nevvverrrr comingggg baaaack. Vamos a la chingada!*

Well, Texas was on for the books. Literally. In the days leading up to my mom’s death it just felt like everything was happing in slow motion. The doctors kept calling & texting & updating & telling me what was happing, but all I heard from their mouths was, “Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.”

I heard what they were saying, but it wasn’t computing.

In Islam we bury our dead within 3 sunsets. She died on a Wednesday and was buried that Friday. That too was a whirlwind. Today marks 8 weeks. There was really no time to process what was happening. It was just, this is what is to be done. The day my mom died, I sat at her bedside in dhikr, and told Allah I accept His qadr. His Will. His Power. His Decree. And I meant it. I am at peace knowing she is at rest. What upsets me is the circumstances surrounding her death. The actions of others who continued to play insignificant, petty games while her life hung in the balance. And the fact that I couldn’t talk to her about it.

I couldn’t lament on the foolishness of the idiots that were so close in physical proximity but so far gone spiritually that trying to get them to see the gravity of the situation, of their actions, was simply a moot point. In the Bible I believe they're called “reprobate minds.” In the Qur’an, the spiritually blind. But as I wrote over 5 years ago in my book, and still holds true today, you can’t make people see the errors of their ways when they refuse to see themselves, or take any accountability for the way they behave. And it’s not your job to. Everyone has their own cross to bear, and everyone has to come to their own sense of understanding, one way or another. And unfortunately, some people gotta learn the hard way. As Zora Neale Hurston wrote, “It’s two thangs everybody gots ta do fa theyselves. They got ta go to God, and they got to find out about livin’ fa theyselves.”

*You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make em drink.*

Allah doesn’t make any mistakes. I was exactly where I was supposed to be for the exact reason I was supposed to be there, even though the occasion was initially unbeknownst to me. I’m grateful for His intercession and will cherish the time I got to spend with her in those final days.

I got to explore the area a bit, finding little lush green spaces for meditating in the neighborhood next to the hospital, and the shopping plaza just a stone’s throw away. Though Texas isn’t for me—not exactly my cupped tea—Sugar Land is quite pretty. And it will always have a place in my heart for the safekeeping of my mommy.

*Wrote a lil song bout it. Like to hear it? Here it go…*

But, we must now bid adieu, for this chapter has now come to a close, though I will miss nap time adventures with baby Han Solo.

And backyard meditations with Darth Vader

And now we’re off to adventures in the great wide somewhere. Catch ya later! Destination undisclosed. Territory uncharted. But you know me. I’m always up for a good plot twist.

For the first time in a really long time, I can breathe again. And because I am forever changed, it’s a different kind of breath. Much slower. Much much more intentional. Ever more present. Because this is ultimately the only thing that keeps us rooted in the present, in this life. And it really does go by in an instant if you aren’t paying attention. So I choose to be here. I choose to breathe here. Now.

If you’ve been following my Operation: BADDIE updates, you’ll know yesterday we hit the 3 week milestone and I couldn’t be more delighted! I know it seems silly and inconsequential, and in the grand scheme it probably is, but no great change ever happens without taking one little step first! And I took 21. And having been off the horse for more than a hot minute, it’s cause for celebration. You shall receive my next update at day 30, and every 10 days thereafter until we hit our birthday target of an 8 pack and a fat stack. Lol. Ok. I actually do not care about having fattie, but hey, what’s a baddie without one? 😝

*O, how I live to be sexualized by the (m)asses*

Anyways, we’re here now, My Pretty, and there’s no turning back. The adventure of a lifetime awaits, and honestly, I’m so glad it’s you. You could be anywhere in the world, but here you are. With me. And I love that for you. And I love that for me. Let’s get together and sign our names in history, shall we? Have a beautiful rest of the week, My Sweets, and an even GREATER weekend. As ever and as always, thank you for breathing here, and thank you so much for being my friend. See you next week! Arivaderci! Stay blessed, EveryBuddy & God speed!

Love always (& besitos!)

Aali, Aali, oxenFREEEEEEE!

Quiereme, cariño 🤍

the great wide somewhere

peace, be so f**kin still

years that answer