When I was in undergrad, after one particular class, a mate would always walk me back to my dorm or the food court, or the bookshop, wherever I was off to that particular day. Pitt was an urban campus, but our little nook of it was so cute & quaint. That’s what I love about college towns; the quaintness of it all. The cozy feeling of being insulated from the chaos at large. Anywho, whenever we had extra time to spare, I would make him walk me the scenic route. Ok, who am I kidding? Even when we didn't have time to spare I would insist we take the scenic route. One day we’ll be glad we stopped to smell the roses.

Ramadan has completely re-written my sleep schedule, my eat schedule, everything. My system is all jacked up. Bonus though for being able to have caffeine during the day. I have enjoyed 2 iced coffees these past couple post-Ramadan mornings, and I must say, the buzz is buzzing! I gotta pace myself though because y’all know I will overdo it on some caffeine. But that’s one of the simple pleasures in life, innit? A good cuppuh Joe to get your day going, kick that thang into overdrive.

Ramadan has you thinking a lot about what you can do without. People underestimate the ability to dedicate yourself to a certain level of restraint for these 30 days. And to do so willingly. It also says a lot about the things you immediately indulge in afterwards. Yes, I need my cuppuuhhh. Guilty as charged. But it just goes to show that you can do whatever you put your mind to. You want to learn how to quilt and you’ve never picked up a needle & yarn? You can do it! You wanna swim 5 miles in the open water like it’s riding a bike, even though you never made it out of the kiddie section of the swimming pool? You can do it! You wanna change your life for the BEST? You can do it! It’s you vs. you. Get out of your own way. Get real with yourself and lock in. Time is of the essence!

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship. Many people think the ultimate bond is that of a romantic relationship. And not to downplay that by any means because it is SO important! But, I would posit that one can find real companionship, a real soulmate in a friend. In someone who sees you for who you are, and roots for you to be all that you can be, who holds you accountable for your behavior even when you don’t want to hear it, but also lovingly holds space for you when you need need to release and process any or all of your feelings.

I’m jealous of people who’ve never been betrayed by people closest to them. By best friends. By family. You folks lead a truly blessed life, ignorant of the emotional devastation one sallies forth with on a daily basis from having to not only piece their life back together, but to try to do so with an open heart, knowing the rest of the world isn’t responsible for those shitty good for nothing human beings, but at the same time, fully aware that your emotional rewiring will never let you trust anyone so completely ever again. Is she walking wounded? Abso-fuqing-lutely. Is she holding it against you? Absolutely not. But nobody knows that part of you died because you got up and kept it moving like nothing happened.

But who holds space for the “strong” one? The one who always has to get up and push through like you didn’t just get the entire wind knocked out of you? They know that not only is no one coming to save them, but because they don’t look like what they been through—choosing to continue to move through the world with their God-given dignity—they know that most people won’t care nor believe the real detriment to their life & livelihood that this betrayal(s) caused.

And it’s unfortunate, because it does prevent true connection from being formed. And on the one hand, I think that in itself is a form of protection, because if someone isn’t going to hold space for your truth, then why have them in your life? But on the other hand, you’re forced to understand that people are going to misrepresent you has “standoffish, or thinking you’re “too good,” or a “loner,” when really, you’ve had to learn to be your own best friend and love yourself so completely that you won’t settle for anything less than the same from any partnership you enter. The first hint of shade coming from someone who claims to value your presence is an immediate excommunication notice. We’re not playing those games anymore. Luh me or leave me a loan. The end.

And it really is that simple. Which is why I will never understand why people who don’t like you (or claim to not like you when really they’re obsessed) always want to be around you, in your presence, in your energy, in your auric field. Because me, myself, personally, if I don’t like you, and there is absolutely no reason for us to be around each other, you better believe I will not actively choose to ever be in your face. In fact, you will never see me. If I have a say in the matter, I will go out of my way to avoid any and every encounter with you because for me, it is that serious. I don’t care to be in your energy and I don’t play about anyone trying to syphon mine. Please go head on somewhere with that.

I also need people to understand that just because we don’t like each other does not mean that it’s beef. For those of emotional immaturity that’s what “dislike” translates to. But anyone who’s emotionally regulated understands that these feelings are simply guidance to relationships that are more aligned. But pride (goeth before the fall) gets in the way. In both romantic & platonic encounters, some people take it as a slight when someone doesn’t want to engage or journey down a road of togetherness. That’s ego. How dare they not want to be associated with me? Don’t they now I’m me!? Are the thoughts that run through their mind, while the other person is generally thinking, Ok, not gonna work for me, but more power to ya! And keeping it pushing.

Fear also plays a part. On the micro & macro levels. You don’t know what you don’t know. And instead of meeting the unknown with wonder & curiosity, many people fear it instead. I was driving home from LA one dark & stormy night. The mountains out here in the middle of the night are insane! But story for another day. Anyway, I left later than I had initially planned and didn’t want to spend another night in a city that doesn’t love me, so I left knowing I would be driving in the pitch black for as far as the eye could see. And of course the GPS decides to take me for whatever reason only God knows, not on the highway from whence I came, but through ALL the backwater towns of Nevada & California. I’m talking places I never heard of nor knew existed. Places with populations easily in the low 200s. I saw signs so take my word for it! And when you’re driving through these small towns at night it makes them all the more eerie. Like you’re not supposed to be there and they know you’re not supposed to be there because a watcher is always watching, so of course you’re not going to stop and get gas at that little gas station with the hanging “OPEN” neon sign that is creepily swaying back & forth in the breezeless air. It was definitely giving The Hills Have Eyes vibes, BUT hey, no judgement. Just standard precautionary measures needed to be taken for a gorgeous young woman traveling on the road by her lonesome. You not finna catch me slippin! Tie your camel and what??? Ok!

When I finally landed safely in the Valley, I thought how cool it was to be places I’ve never been, to see sights I’ve never seen or even knew existed. And then I thought about how different our lives must be. How they for sure don’t even know I exist and for sure aren’t worried about the same things I am. And then of course this leads me down a thought spiral of the state of our nation and how so many people in this great country aren’t aware of the daily lives or concerns of so many others, because they don’t know each other exist. Each man concerned only for himself in his small little corner of the country. When you have no frame of reference for something, of course you don’t consider it. We wonder how so many people in these small town places could vote for people who would operate in the detriment of their best interests, but when people like—Eh, hmmm! Got a frog in my throat—make these people feel seen and heard, it’s easy to see how something like that could happen. And maybe that’s the key. To see people. To hear people. To know people. Because when you don’t, it’s easy to operate like they’re the other. Their life doesn’t affect me so why should I care? But whether we realize it or not, we are all connected. To the land, to the water, to the sky, to each other. Mitakuye oyasin. Everything has a ripple effect. Won’t you get to know me? Won’t you be my neighbor?

The shop’s open! Come have a looksie and take home with you something a little cutsie!

What are you working on being better about this week? What has been your highlight? For me, it’s always You. You are the sunshine of my life. That’s why I’ll always be aroundddd.

But for now, I must bid you adieu. Wherever you are, wherever you may be, thank you for being here with little old me. I hope you have a thrilling rest of your week! Stay blessed EveryBuddy. And, God speed.

Love always (& besitos!),

Your Darling Queen of HaHts

the scenic route

breathe here now